is wine microwaveable?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I want to be your penis for a week.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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