i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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