well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
