this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
How's work?
Spinning.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
