I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
