So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
this is an emotional support booty call
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
