Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
