I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
