Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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