I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
