i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
