is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
