You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
