and you said cock pushups were impossible
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
