i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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