I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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