This is not my ceiling
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
