You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
