I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
