i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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