Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
