your parents love me but you hate me
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
