plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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