I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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