...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
