If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
