so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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