just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
