So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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