She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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