I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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