so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
