Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
