when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
