def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
