My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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