I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
