god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
