She's JV to your varsity
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
