I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
