I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you will always have a special place in my vag
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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