did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
