Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
What a dumb baby whore.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
