Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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