I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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