Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
