I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
