mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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