there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
