Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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