weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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