The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
