i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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